Life lessons from Punkin Carvin

1. You have to be willing to be up to your elbows in slime.
2. Sometimes you may need a little help getting started. And then in the middle. And help finishing too.
3. Beautiful comes with a bowl of goop.
4. A plan is handy, but not completely necessary.
5. Put a light in something and it will glow.
6. Sometimes teeth fall out.
7. Everyone has their own method. Let them be.
8. It's harder than you remember, but prettier too.
9. The sooner you clean it up, the less likely it is to be permanent.
10. There's a great view from the porch.

Enough.

From Aug 10 -Nov 20, Rich will have been home for 14 days and gone for 88. It's old. And tonight I am definitely lonely.
The end.

Singin In The Rain

I almost didn't direct my most favorite show to date in my short directing career. I'm sure if I thought longer I could phrase that more elegantly. After directing Beauty and The Beast in 2008, I decided the family needed a break. Not because of Beauty and The Beast in particular, but just because of the time involved and various other needs. I told our new principal that I wouldn't be directing the following year, but I would help him find someone to do it if he would like. I went to Nauvoo (2008) thinking I wasn't doing a show and that put me at ease daily. We decided to be in Savior of the World that fall with Rich and the three older kids and I didn't think I was doing a show, and that put me at ease hourly. In January, the director we found was putting auditions together and I was helping with logistics and I was at ease. And then she had to quit. And I was for the first time in 9 months - not at ease. But it was important that I step up and do it, and somehow I knew that. I also knew I needed to change the show that had been planned, but I didn't know what to do instead. It came to me in a lightening bolt moment while I was taking a bath. And then people came pouring in to my rescue. Kathryn McCann choreographed, along with JD Stokes and Marilyn Montgomery. (Who knew she would say "YES!") Robyn Mortensen was at my beck and call to solve various problems that arose. Becky Hanks agreed to be the costumer (a HUGE task) and Matt Dickamore helped me come up with a design scheme that helped me sleep nights. Rich of course was my set builder. My dad was the brilliant film maker. And I got to work with probably the most talented group of students I will see in 10 years. At least. We did nothing else during the months of Feb, Mar and April. But we made movies, and we made it rain on stage. Douglas, Jessie and I worked on it all through spring break while Rich was out of town. We came up with an adequate system. He came back and in about 20 minutes had a system going far superior to ours - of course. But I'd like to think that D and J and I are the closer for it. These kids danced and danced and danced. And we got each of them an umbrella and these wonderful parents came and put dots on all of them for the final number. Need one? I'm sure that in 3009 we'll still have a stash somewhere. Jenny's Emma got to be in it and she was star struck I think. Becky made french dresses out of milk jugs and we bought tap shoes for the leads and they tapped and tapped. We had a gorgeous yellow umbrella and torn tux shirts and a THOUSAND colored shirts. We danced on desks and on stairs and hung windows in midair. Diane painted a sunset. There was a cake with a girl inside, and talking pictures. This was a show that had flavor. There was (is) a pink piano. And maybe more than one flavor. Maybe more than 10. There were afternoons that I drove home and just sobbed because I was so overwhelmed or felt like my efforts were for naught. But in the end, I was grateful that it had all happened. And I was grateful it happened the way it did. It was important that I not worry over it all summer, fall and Christmas. It was a mountain. And we stood on the top. I wonder now in what ways I am different or better off.... Is it the kids that are different or better off..... ??? Now, almost 6 months later, what are we left with? Memories and photos? What do they mean exactly? It's passed. Shows disappear. Other fine art can be hung on a wall, played on a stereo, shown again and again on the silver screen. Theater evaporates. It can't be claimed. I love that.

"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire." - Yeats

Glorious leaves.

This morning I found myself telling my girls that I would take them for a drive to see the leaves in the canyon, for if we didn't go today, we would surely miss the glory. I was a little surprised to hear the words coming from my mouth because to be honest, the house is at a new low as far as steady chaos goes, and we were only a few hours from church starting, and well - I just didn't think carefully about it - and yet, I heard the promise coming out of my mouth and into their hopeful ears. The girls scrambled to get ready for church and to help David (Douglas had a commitment and had already left). We drove up Emigration Canyon and then left at the stop sign to take us to East Canyon, through Morgan and Weber Canyon and home again. It took about 2 hours. We listened to music in the car and talked about the gorgeousness we saw around us. We remembered going to the zoo on different occasions and wondered what it was like for an elephant to live in a cage, and I told them about Ruth's Diner and how if they wanted to really make me happy when I was old, they could take me there for every breakfast the year I'm 90. We saw I-80 from a distance and all three of them wondered how the week would be different if we just kept driving and ended up in Nauvoo. What does it look like there in the fall? There was plenty of roadkill to gawk at and even a few brave squirrels who wanted to cross in front of us. East Canyon brought talk of fishermen and Bear Lake and remembrances of fun times on the lake. The girls debated the pros and cons of living in Morgan as opposed to Bountiful, and we remembered relaxing at camp outs in Zarahemla. We talked about the many soccer games played in Eden and Mt. Green, and how every time we drive by with dad he reminds us that he wants to live there someday. We squeaked into church just as it was starting and we felt like we were prepared to sit and be grateful for the glory of our lives and the glory of the leaves.
"Though a tree grow ever so high, the falling leaves return to the ground" - Mayalan Proverb

Reviewing

Well, I'm trying to record my handwritten journals into some kind of digital representation. It's fun and strange and embarrassing and beautiful and odd and surreal. Here are a few things I discovered last night as I reviewed entries from Feb 1992.

Words I used too much in 1992 - groovy, hilarious
I wish the s-zet was used in English.
I’m a sucker for the familiar.
Girls like to be held around the waist.
What is male bonding? Really? I mean really... what does that mean exactly?
There was a time in my life that I really needed to talk to Anita, and I actually had to call her on a pay phone, and she wasn’t home. Probably a good thing that texting wasn’t available in the end. I had to think for myself.
What if Rich had stuck with Pre-physical therapy? Hmmm.
I’m pretty sure I still don’t know how to spell definitely.

Open windows

This was a productive weekend. For one, it was both Jessie's and David's birthdays. Good kids. Such good kids. We got to share a meal as a family - a rare occasion - and LUNCH no less.
Jessica is 14. She is gorgeous. Her brain is rolling constantly. Always looking around for the next project, the next creation, the next gift. She and I together can accomplish so much in an afternoon. She is a great friend and a thoughtful sister. Jessie loves school and orange and drawing and music and being with her family.
David is 7. He continues to make us laugh and shake our heads with amazement. He is physical. Everything about this boy is physical. He isn't a tough guy, just physical. He has so many good friends on our street that we are all jealous. He loves sleep and riding bikes and playing games with his family and swimming and soccer games and anything that has to do with his dad.
Both of these birth days fell during conference of course. I remember watching conference with a brand new baby all wrapped up and sleeping in a cozy bundle. Those bundles are exploding all over the place now. I love it. But it ends up being a very festive weekend for us every year. The weather played things perfectly this weekend. Fall-like and stormy and on the chilly side. I got to wear a sweater and sandals for the first time. I leave the windows open in the house so that everyone's cold and we have to bundle up again and drink hot chocolate. It's cheating maybe, but it's worth it.

I love that the leaves on the vines on the side of the house are growing over the window. I wonder if next year they will cover it completely.

I'm learning so much from conference. I'm astounded that this blessing is mine.
Rich drove up from Monticello to be with us today. 5 hours home and 5 hours back. Just so he can sit with us for a few hours. I'm grateful. Today will bring more enlightened instruction and love unfeigned. It will bring baking all of that familiar food that makes me feel so safe. I will get to sit by Rich for hours. Heaven at home.

"The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp."