children

October 2011

David's been wearing a terrific pair of round sunglasses with his 1840's cap.  His moppy blonde hair peeking out from every rim and corner, and his precocious smile sneaking out underneath.  He's quite pleased with his new old sense of fashion.  He's a different child than my others, somehow terribly alive in being adored by the older three.

Corinne is babysitting and I'm sure so well.  She may be running a more perfect home than the dear mother who left her in charge.  That certainly happens when I leave her.  Jessica is outside swinging and playing her guitar with two adorable friends who I would invite to stay forever if their own mother's wouldn't miss them so.Douglas is on an adventure.  He's out with a new old friend to visit an old new friend. Rich is tracking all of their activity and will eventually wrangle them in for prayers and sleeping.  It won't be an easy feat.

I have absolutely nothing to offer but the ramblings of my own days and my own sorting.  I have no new way of learning or loving or living to give up to the world.  Its all been written, painted and sung, and by artists endlessly more talented than I.  But I'm new.  I haven't been here before, so the old ways feel new on me.  More clarity comes into focus as I see fewer days ahead than in the wake, and I'm most certainly afraid of what I may not write, paint or sing.  But the stillness comes as I learn what I'm meant to do and do more of it.  There's no end in sight.

Dare to Dream?

Dare to dream?

"I would rather have been a French peasant and worn wooden shoes. I would rather have lived in a hut with a vine growing over the door, and the grapes growing purple in the kisses of the autumn Summer sun. I would rather have been that poor peasant with my loving wife by my side, knitting as the day died out of the sky, with my children upon my knees and their arms about me...and so I would ten thousand times" -Robert G. Ingersol

Dreaming about being an actress, is more exciting then being one. Marilyn Monroe

Dreaming or awake, we perceive only events that have meaning to us. Jane Roberts

I cannot sleep for dreaming; I cannot dream but I wake and walk about the house as though I'd find you coming through some door. Arthur Miller

I find myself dreaming of doing normal things - like staying home and washing dishes. Shalom Harlow

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. Dale Carnegie

The life of a man consists not in seeing visions and in dreaming dreams, but in active charity and in willing service. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I don't have lofty dreams. Do I? Does that mean I'm afraid? Does it mean I don't have vision or I lack scope?

SOTW

I'm amazed at the things I learn while watching Savior Of The World. Here is a sampling:

It's interesting to think about always being on camera. I guess we really are. We really are always on camera. What we do, matters. Always. This is integrity.

As I watch friends on stage portray such important historical figures, its really interesting to think about their personal relationships with each other. I shouldn't belittle my relationships.

What if I always lived as if I was on the colonnade? Always looking at people as though their circumstances don't matter, but only the experiences they are having? What if I saw everyone with the same compassion and hope as I feel when I'm up there?

Am I teaching my children to learn to recognize the spirit? What experiences are they having up there?

The Shepherds were ready to tell and testify even before they were invited in to see the baby.

It's easy to love my 17 year old when he is on the stage playing a Shepherd.

I have had many thoughts that sadly didn't get written down. And I guess in some ways, I'm surprised - that I've had them. I always think that as I come to this production again and again that it can't possibly be that I could still learn from these lines. But as the gospel consistently does, I do learn. It seems it always has something different to teach depending on life's circumstances. As thy days may demand... I am blessed, even in moments of pride, by humbling events that bring me to these rehearsals on the edge of tears and as I hear the words and principles proclaimed, I find myself comforted and humbled by the very comfort. There are even moments of sorrow and forgiveness. The tears surface even now.

As I conduct I am remembering watching that conductor in Santa Cruz. Gorgeous church. What was that event? I was with people from school I think. She danced. This woman conducting this small chamber orchestra was totally inspiring to me. As I reflect on the opportunities I've had to conduct at various events over the last few months - including women's conference and this beautiful production, I am tempted to wonder if that moment is Santa Cruz wasn't revelation. Or at least preparation. I'm grateful for what music has brought to me.

"Perhaps this is what God wants." Oh, this phrase rings so true in so many situations in my life.