I'm seriously considering perfection as my goal for 2018.  "In the year 2018 I will achieve a perfect existence" is really what my mind is comprehending when my heart suggests that I give up sugar, write every day, exercise for 30 minutes 6 times a week, clean my house daily at 5:00am, worship in 4 different ways every day, and in multiple ways on multiple days.  Give up fast food meaning I cook dinner every night, pinch the budget so expertly that we save $1500 a month, have sex at least - well, more, and...  Actually, that might be all.

Those things simultaneously feel like perfection on a stick.  I've lived long enough to know that if by some miracle I'm actually able to do those things this year - you know, starting Monday - that my children will still worry me endlessly, my marriage will need lots of work, there won't ever be enough money, the dog will still poop, it will be cold and gray all winter, my job will seem like an impossibility, I will continue to age, the cars will need repairs, Trump will still be the president, public education will still be a mess, politics will still give me ulcers, and I will continue to be the slightly crazy person over there barely eeking out a decent existence.  Whatever that means.

BUT - There is really a lot to be said for controlling the things we can control.  I am interested in reducing the burdens in my life - not the stress.  I am only burdened by things over which I have power.  What I eat, how I spend money, how I spend my time, the priorities I choose, when I go to bed, what I look at, what I love.  It is an unnecessary burden to be unfaithful to the things I love.  I am grateful for my body and for my health - I can be faithful by eating smarter and moving more.  I love writing and I love the exercise it gives my mind - I can be faithful by carving out time for it more often.  I believe that for some reason I am really effected emotionally by how lovely my physical space is.  I don't need a mansion or a game room or a fancy dining room, but I really benefit from a clean toilet, a floor that's mopped, clean cupboards and organized storage.  I am able to be more creative, more spontaneous and more cheerful when my house is clean.  I can be faithful by more consistently keeping a clean living space. I love God.  I can be faithful by building my relationship with Him daily, weekly and in different places of worship.  I love my family.  We need the kind of spending money that increases our wealth instead of our waistlines.  I want to develop the kind of fiscal discipline that I can teach to my adult children before they are burdened with financial habits that will essentially make them slaves.  I love Rich and I love my marriage, and more sex is always a good idea.

So I think I'll start with this.  It's hard to say that I'm going to take anything off the list in order to be more successful in one or two areas.  Maybe if I can see them as intertwined, it will be like having one big goal instead of 8 big goals.
Having a clean house will help me garner the emotional will power to stay out of the kitchen when it's not meal time.  It will allow me to feel comfortable in the living room and the office in order to do some sunshine yoga and lift some weights.  It will give me a kitchen that invites me in to cook at the end of a long day.  Writing about my efforts will infuse some comedy and realism into the journey.  I'll be able to look back and see trends.  It will help me expel some emotional weight without eating my feelings.  Walking will also help me expel that emotional excess - and it will keep my dog at bay so that she won't destroy my house. The clean house invites me to sit at the table and study scriptures, drop to my knees at the couch and pray, and if I can do it wisely throughout the week, I'll have saved up a chunk of time at the end of the week to visit the house on the hill. Staying close to God will help me forgive myself when I'm a mess and give me the peace of mind and clarity of thought to spend my efforts wisely.  That clean house also means a clean office where I can keep working on the finances, and the more finances available, the nicer we can make the house, and the more often we'll want to be here to cook and not eat out and spend time here instead of spending money out there.  It's so cyclical. So maybe it comes to this - I have some goals about my body and my pocketbook.  In order to achieve those goals, I've got to get a clean house, get close to God and stay emotionally viable.  That involves some other stuff - but they are all related to weight loss and saving money.  Doable? Guh.

Let's talk about sugar.  I've been thinking about writing a memoir called "2018: A year without the sweet stuff".  Or "My 45th year off the sweet stuff." But I can't write the memoir without having the experience.  ha!
I have consistently made goals to not have any sugar for a day, for a week, for 21 days, until I lose 10 pounds, etc...  But predictably I fail within the first few hours and then say to myself - it starts tomorrow, it starts Monday, it starts next month, or whatever.  But if I decide that I'm going to go a year without sugar and I buckle on Jan 3rd, then I really will have to wait a long time to start a year over again.  So will that help me maintain my goal?  I've been alive long enough to know that a year isn't that long.  And from what others have said about going off sugar it will be January that is the trick, not November.  I feel like I have to have some rules about it.  So many people say that you have to give yourself some days off.  But I feel like that may not work for me.  I would just adjust the days off.  One day off?  No, because February is an even month, we get two days off...  etc.  And it would be a mess.  And other people have said that they took birthdays off and that kind of thing and on those days the sugar just made them sick - so...  why do I need the day off?  And isn't it kind of fun to think of sugar-free ways to celebrate life?  BUT - I do think I'll cut myself some slack by having certain kinds of sweeteners - like Life cereal is ok but coco puffs are not.   No hot chocolate, but I'm ok with sugar-free steamers.  I'm going to fuel my life with Coke Zero.  Fruit in any amount is ok, but no fruit juice - unless I do the juicing here.  Jam on a PB sandwich is ok, but not on toast.  (That one is kind of weird) Oh!  Very important - no white flour products, or potatoes.  So no french fries or potato chips, but I'm going to allow sweet potato fries and tortilla chips.  No white bread, but I'm ok with wheat bread.  No flour tortillas - but corn is fine.  No white rice, but brown is ok.  No white pasta, but whole grain is good. So I'm not making any exception days, but I'm going to allow sweet things like fruit, diet soda and sugar free stuff - and I'm allowing whole grains without a limit really.
And I think I need to approach this like a "study" and write about it every day.  As if I'm in the lab and I'm putting myself through an experiment rather than trying to achieve weight loss or something. Although let's be honest, if I don't lose weight I'll be sad.   I read today that 150 minutes of moving a week - that's 30 minutes 5 times a week, drinking lots of water (which I think will happen naturally as I try to soothe my cravings) and cutting out processed foods can add up to losing 1-2 pounds a week.
So...
The budget restrictions and no starches rule will help me cook every night. La la la... We'll see.
Today is Perfection Day -2.  It's new year's eve eve.  I'm gearing up mentally.  And I still have it deep in my psyche that the more sugar I eat today, the less I'll need on Monday.  ha!  Can you spell binge?
Alright... onward.

I'm bored. My phone is smart. I am smarter.

I foster a kind of faith where I believe that something in the universe wants to talk to me all the time.  I believe truth is coursing through the space-time continuum galaxy spherical dimensional 5D existence we are in and if we resonate with it in some way, it can't help but be revealed to our infinite minds and souls.  I really believe this.  So what does it take to tune in? I heard or read or came across something the other day - truly can't remember where - that suggested that our creativity is oppressed by our smart phones.  Could it be the moments of sheer genius happen immediately following boredom?  Could it be that inspiration about our children's souls comes in moments when we are staring mindlessly at a stoplight, or at the tile in the floor in the bathroom at said restaurant?  What about the pure truth we could encounter if we were tuning instead of scrolling?  I tried this a little bit over the last few days - since I brainlessly came across the suggestion.

It's a thing.

Maybe it isn't my Facebook account that's the problem, but my go to approach to it every time I'm in the same county as my phone.  Maybe in order to be more mindful, I have to be more mindless.  More boredom could be the solution to more resonating truth.