No Matter What

I'm home today. Home from work. These days are incredible and they are a blessing and they are a curse. Who wouldn't want to get up early, do some dishes and bills, kiss all of the children on their way out the door, eat Biscoff toast, do 3 loads of laundry before 9:00am and read scriptures for 30 minutes - uninterrupted and without falling asleep? This is the life. Its heavenly. I'm not interested in Oprah; but I would pay a lot of money to stay home every day and keep caught up. I guess that's the point - I don't have a lot of money. I suppose that when I'm 65 and I retire (maybe 70?, 75?) I'll want to be at home as much then as I want to be home now. It certainly won't be lost on me.

You know we really set ourselves up for failure, no - set ourselves up for stress, no - confusion at least; when we assume as 15 year olds that our parents aren't living their lives anymore. And certainly our grandparents were done living years ago. Why is it that a 20 year old thinks that the definition of living is having your whole life in front of you? And that only one generation can be living at a time?

So look at me now... writing a blog entry at 8:58am on a Wednesday morning. Thrilling! The rest of the day will go by with bills, more laundry, an indulgent hour long walk up the mountain, trying to get ready for the first SOTW rehearsal on Saturday, and oh yeah - remember how I'm conducting that big choir Saturday night? Surreal. Truly.

What do you think I would do if I had this kind of time every day? Do you think I'd eventually get caught up? Would my garden get weeded? Mulched? Would I volunteer somewhere? At Tolman? Oh my goodness - I'd volunteer at Tolman. David would love it. Maybe at the hospital? Or at a care center? I hope so. I'd probably teach some voice lessons here or there - oh man, you know what? I'd probably go back to school and work on a Master's degree. What would I get it in? Psychology? Counseling? Administration? Theater? Music Ed? Woa. What a thought. Maybe I'd audition more. Maybe I'd open a dinner theater. Maybe I'd have lunch with Rich. Yes, there would be more lunches out.
Well, no matter - whether I'm here or at school, the leaves are going to turn soon and start to fall. There will be a patchwork of autumn on the mountainside and I'll see it - no matter what. The children will squeeze me when I see them next, and they'll get a kiss. Rich will come home and we'll eat at the table together. It's lovely really. No matter what.