It's Lent this week. I love Lent. I'm not a Catholic, in fact I'm a Mormon. But I love Lent and I look forward every year to getting off of Facebook for the 46 days of Lent. It's not a flippant observance of this holiday - I believe wholeheartedly that when we give up things in our lives, it has the potential to bring us closer to God. Mormons attempt that all the time - no alcohol, no coffee, no smoking, no playing on Sunday, no sex before marriage... we even fast once a month. That's like Lent. So I'm a grateful observer of the tradition. I'm not on a path of disrespect or blasphemy. Agreed? Agreed.
This year as part of my preparation to leave Facebook for a bit (and honestly, every year I'm tempted to make it permanent) I realize that I'm looking for somewhere that feels like outside while I'm online. (Facebook doesn't, but it's a tempting disappointment every time) A really common time for me to log on is in between my 21 morning alarms. 4:45 for prep, 4:55, 5:00 for real, 5:05 and on until 6:30 when it's desperate. The alarm at 6:30 means not only did I sleep in, but Corinne did as well, missed seminary, and now I'm in jeopardy of being later than the kids who are tardy to my first class. I can usually avoid hearing all of the 21 alarms if I get on my phone and start reading the semi-interesting babble from my friends on Facebook. Honestly, I like the babble. It's amazing how long I can read it. All the way to 6:30 actually - which is mind blowingly stupid - cause I might as well have been sleeping all that time. BUT here's the justification - I love to go outside first thing in the morning. (Let's be clear - daylight means morning. No daylight - still night) And I think this is the phenomenon I'm trying to achieve without leaving my sheets and the side of my charming, snoring husband. If I can find something that will convince me that it's worth getting up... remember there are people out there... the sun will shine and the mountains will be beautiful and there is fruit to eat and dirt to dig about in - things to do! And it's not all bad - LIVE WOMAN! LIVE!
This is the trick every morning isn't it? To choose to live. To shake off the dust from the night's slumber and push the blood through your veins and take deep breaths and live again.
Maybe that's why we avoid bedtime - its like dying. Giving up consciousness is a scary thing right? And we don't control where our minds roam at night. Sometimes going to scary places, sometimes embarrassing ones... occasionally to a fantasy so intriguing we want to carry it right into our true breaths.
What should I do at 4:55 to convince my dreaming mind, thick blood and slow breaths that it's time to live again? Facebook doesn't really do the trick, it's a charlaton, but it's my addiction - and starting on Wed, I'll have nothing... Nothing to convince me to live. I need to find outside online.
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