There is a fly in my classroom. You know what that means?

There are leaves on the trees too.

Men's Lacrosse is a brutal sport. One of these days I'd like to choose a group of special students and play with them. And smack them on the head with my lacrosse stick. I will wear shoulder muhpads and a helmet and they will not.

Am I really that person? Am I really fantasizing about the satisfaction of carnage?

This summer from June 1- 5 is the world science festival in NYC and one of the festivities is a seminar on olfaction. Is it wierd that I'd rather go to that than any choral festival that will be held this summer?

This has been a bonkers month. Can you say roller coaster? All sorts of them ... and multiple rides. Emotional, spiritual, meteorological, professional, motherly, ... a myriad of roller coasters so to speak. Some with high drops, some with fast spins, quick jerks, free falls, hanging upside down, throwing up, all of it.

After 15 years of teaching, I am still jaw on the ground surprised at some of the things I hear come out of the mouths of these precious ones.

Mic tape sticks to carpet.

Everyone should get a chance to sing a solo.

Why do I choose a cappella music for my students to learn? Why? Every year. Why?

Biting gnats bite. For real. I will testify. Head, shoulders, knees and toes. Well, more like head, shoulders, chest and back.

Douglas will be 17 on Saturday.

You said almost, almost ago.

That about sums it up right now. Jessicaism. There are a growing number of them. And they are funny and accurate.

This post may have a twitter feel. Not on purpose, but simply because about one phrase is the end of my emotional depth tonight. Why does that happen?

I love driving a stick shift. Love it. LOVE it. I learned on Anita's car Charlie and I am SO grateful to her for being patient with me and sticking it out so to speak. What is it about switching gears? Control. Darn. I'm afraid it might be a control thing with me. Probably. Well, that about ruins it.

Corinne just got out of the shower and is standing in the kitchen wrapped in a towel eating chocolate chip cookies. It's charming.

Why do I love breakfast so much? Why does eating something besides cereal make me feel like I might as well be living in a beach house in California? I love cream cheese french toast, hashbrowns, hot chocolate and fruit salad. If I was on death row, this would be my last meal.

BUT that meal has a lot of calories and I CAN NOT seem to be able to get back on track with my eating. I'm out of control. It's depressing. It may be THE reason I'm writing tonight.

The leaves are starting to grow on the trees. It makes me giddy. The only part about it that makes me sad is that soon we won't be able to see the temple from our window. Too many leaves. But it's worth it. It's like Orion.

Could it really be as simple as the weather? The weather deserves its very own post. Maybe it's very own blog. Could it really be that all I've needed was the spring? Some dirt? Some green? Some sun? That's it? And in the middle of August I'll be tempted to give my right hand for a storm. Something that will abate the constant light. Something gray and moody. Something unpredictable and crazed. But right now... sign me up for a forever of days of 70 and breezy.

I wish I wanted to be a reader.
I wish I wanted to be a yoga girl.
I wish I wanted to be a vegetarian.
I wish I wanted to lose 10 lbs.
I wish I wanted to run a marathon.
I wish I wanted to learn to play the cello.
I wish I wanted to get off facebook forever.
I wish I wanted to have a clean house.
I wish I wanted...............

But I don't.

So.... I'll watch movies, remain curious, enjoy burgers, heft extra weight, walk, sing, log on and sit and think just a little longer.

Goodnight moon. Goodnight red balloon.
~Emily

PS - Next time I'll talk about how freaked out I am about the age of my children and the corresponding age of their parents. Goodness grief. (Jessicaism)

Come and Claim Your Blessings

I just finished reading The Holy Temple by Boyd K. Packer. It was an intellectual and spiritual feast. Truly. I started it a long time ago - more than a year probably, but lately I have been anxious to read it and finish it and tonight I just couldn't put it down - reading the last 4 chapters. I am looking forward to starting it over tomorrow. There is so much that I want to remember. And there are a few things I want to record tonight.
"Come to the temple - come and claim your blessings. It is a sacred work. Of this I give my witness." - Boyd K. Packer
"I have long since learned that there are no special compelling words set aside to be used only by the Brethren in the bearing of testimony. We use the ordinary words. They are often very inadequate to convey the very depth of feelings." - Boyd K. Packer
"I think I am finally beginning to understand." David O. McKay not long before he died.
"I will not say, as do many, that the more I learn the more I am satisfied that I know nothing; for the more I learn the more I discern an eternity of knowledge to improve upon." Brigham Young
"If we so live that our minds are free from worry and our conscience is clear and our feelings are right toward one another, the operation of the Spirit of the Lord upon our spirit is as real as when we pick up the telephone. If we are worried about something and upset in our feelings, the inspiration does not come." Harold B. Lee paraphrasing David O. McKay
"Of course you can not force spiritual things. The Lord said that such things as these come in His own time and in His own way and according to His own will; and if we will live as we should and endeavor to keep His commandments, what ought to happen to us can happen to us." Body K. Packer
"I know of no other work in the Church more conducive to spiritual refinement and communication than temple and genealogical work. In this work our hearts and our minds are turned to those beyond the veil. Such a work helps us to sharpen our spiritual sensitivities." Boyd K. Packer
"The spirit of revelation is in connection with these blessings. A person may profit by noticing the first intimation of the spirit of revelation; for instance, when you feel pure intelligence flowing into you, it may give you sudden strokes of ideas, so that by noticing it, you may find it fulfilled the same day or soon; those things that were presented unto your minds by the Spirit of God, will come to pass, and thus by learning the Spirit of God and understanding it, you may grow into the principle of revelation, until you become perfect in Christ Jesus." Joseph Smith.
I would add my witness. And express my gratitude that these words were read this particular week and after great requests for peace and understanding. Granted.
~Emily~

Resting in the sunshine.

There are times when we finally come to a balance. Balancing is hard. I've done the NY ballet work out the last few days (David loves doing it with me - he comes flying in from somewhere in the house as soon as he hears the dulcet tones) and really all you do with your arms is hold them aloft. You don't jab or punch or lift or stretch - just hold them aloft. Balance. And it is tough. They start shaking and you are certain they have something like hamhocks hanging from them. Nope. It's just hard to stay balanced for a long time. Builds strength.
Is the year balanced if its one way for winter and the other way for summer? Is the day balanced if you are awake for some and sleep for some? Is the diet balanced if there is a little broccoli and one oreo? Is the decade balanced if finally at the end there is some clarity? I say yes.
Douglas said this yesterday - In the end it'll be alright. If it's not alright then it's not the end.
I'm grateful God gave us so long to find balance.
And I think I'm on my way to some long fought balance soon. In moments - in days - in a few weeks. I will rest in the sunshine. I will soon have lady bugs crawling all over me.

Lunch

Jessica: *belch*
David: (disgusted) JESSIE! You are a woman. You do not burp.
Jessica: Sexist.
David: Who said anything about sex? Oh, yeah remember the time I saw mom and dad kissing, well you know... sick. Hey mom, you should have another baby. As long as its a girl.

Knowing child. Funny lunch.

I know + I feel = I am

Therapy.

Some love the flowers because they hold them in their hands. And some love the flowers because they don't. It's the negative print. Both love. I've learned as much about what I love from what I haven't experienced as from what I have.
Music is for that I think. Music is for feeling things that don't belong to us. Music is so we can dance in emotions that won't naturally find us. It speaks and we feel what we haven't experienced.

Falling in love is finding a defining relationship.

We have to qualify the raw information we get from God with a human sieve. That's allowed. And sometimes it's confusing. And that's allowed too.

Some relationships can't be put in human boxes. We should be honored to find some of those in our life's work.

The path to happiness is through the sadness.

I love. Not always well. Not always selflessly. Not always in the right language. Not always enough. I love. I am blessed.